It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
