i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize