did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Randomize
