Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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