The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
