I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
