i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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