respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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