The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
