TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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