He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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