I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
