I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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