I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
