You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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