alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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