Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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