I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize