Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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