Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
