it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
