then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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