We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
