I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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