I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize