so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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