I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
