Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Randomize