Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
