My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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