You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize