Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
