I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
