I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize