Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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