you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize