Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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