i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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