yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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