WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
