sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
