Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
