shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
