I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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