Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
