HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My friends, they love my intelligence
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
