The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
