2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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