I just made out with a guy for $7.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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