first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
