Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize