no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
