my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
