Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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