i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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