Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
