Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
