He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
