ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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