I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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