tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
