Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
