the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
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