I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
