she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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