Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
